Scared of Unknown

Why am I scared?
I wish I knew the answer.
All i want is to sleep peacefully,  but still wide awake. It's all difficult to understand.  I am looking for the ease in life. .for that Kick!
Hope to find it soon. .Amen!

What is it??

I am not sure what is wrong. I am in a flight. .leaving home and heading to Bangalore,  which has essentially become my home now.  I should be happy to be back.
But here I am sitting with tears trickling down my cheeks, unable to stop them..unable to hide them. I don't even know the reason!
There is a feeling of mourning,  as if something has died in me.
I am supposed to be happy. .recently married to the man of my choice..who loves me, in laws who are kind to me, family who has gone against all the social norms and has accepted my inter-cast marriage with full heart. And yeah. ..there is an increment in salary too. So technically nothing wrong in personal and professional front.
But this constant feeling of sadness is killing me. As if there is an obsession of being sad all the time.

What is it that I want?
What is it that I need?
What is it that my heart is searching for?

May be someday I'll have answers...May God someday arrives soon!

Stranger in Me!

I don't know what is this? The sense of love & connection or the fear of commitment.
I think both. But the unsettling feeling is something I don't like. It feels like the happiness is still a little out of reach.
I was glad to notice that now I don't feel that all the sad songs in the world were written specifically for me. Hopefully will reach to a level when I will have a different feeling that all the Happy songs are written for me :) Amen!
So many things need to be sorted, it seems time is running out! Only if I could save some for myself.

Life doesn't get easier, you just get stronger!

I read this today morning in someone's blog who compares how life has changed in years. He compares the story of yesteryear blockbuster Abhimaan and the newly released Aashiqui2. The stories of two movies is more or less same but the difference in the way they end has got him thinking and questioning the mindset of today's youth.
This I feel is very close to what everyone thinks these days. The amount of pressure we have..rather say ..we create for ourselves is humongous. It's all in our heads. I guess we are in the practice of exaggerating everything. The new generation loves to Show-off, some where the humility that used to be the most possessed virtue is becoming a sign of No Aggressiveness and feeling Too Content. That is why..any small success we see, which is mostly the Beginners Luck, it goes right into our heads and we feel we are indispensable. But are we really indispensable? We are certainly not...and that's where we feel we are loosing. Followed by this..the habit of exaggeration comes into picture..and even minor setbacks look so huge that we feel that the world is crashing and just can't take it anymore. 

Green Question Mark ???

Old Post - I think 3.5 years old.. Thought of publishing it today :)

Green Question Mark..... Great! Does the color signifies the Life or the question signifies My Life - Mystery!!

Life:

7:0 am - Wake-up
7:35 am - Take dogs for warning walk to the park
7:55 am - Think about "To COOK or To not COOK"
8:30 am - Make-up
8:45 am - Dress-up
9:00 am - Run to the car ; feel relieved if tyres are not deflated.
9:30 am - Store shutter-up
7:45 pm - Leave the store .. driving begins......
8:30 pm - Reach home , take dogs to park
8:55 pm - finally enter the house properly n relax
9:00 pm - Watch tv... and "To COOK or To not COOK"

The Question remains the same  -  

Green Question Mark..... Great! Does the color signifies the Life or the question signifies My Life - Mystery!!

I was Jealous!

That feeling of jealousy came back to me after a looong loooong time.
It suddenly hit me.. that I was jealous of her!

No apparent reason. Till date I had never felt insecured about him or felt any reason to be worried. The comfort is the "Thing" of our relationship, But when I saw him talking to her more.. I felt neglected. I didn't like it. Acting all pretty.. that female.. I think it was very evident that didn't like her the moment I saw her. The reaction was instantaneous. Everyone teasing and telling me she was his crush .. the uncomfortable feeling..I was happy to know that place was closing for the day where we were supposed to go..she to come along, but Yessss she left early :) ..else how long would I have held it?

That feeling of jealousy came back to me after a looong loooong time.
It suddenly hit me...that I was jealous of her.

To be or Not to be..

This is the question of my life. It seems like a never ending puzzle that will never be sorted. Sometime I get a feeling that all is well and there it is - the new beginning!
And suddenly......Wooaaassssshhhhh!!! All gone.

Such is life, I suppose.
Then there is a question of hope, that never dies in my case. May be I am insanely stupid and idiotically optimistic, but that's what keeps me going. The God is the real accountant that keeps a track of what you have done and what you didn't. It's the real source of energy that tells me, I can still conquer the World! I just might be a little slow than I thought and a little broken from here and there. But in the end, it's going to be Worth it!